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1. Creating problems in your relationship for no reason

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One of the most classic forms of self-sabotage is when we do it with our relationship. Maybe you think it’s all going well and he’s giving you good signs. But your mind says ‘Why, what’s he really doing?’, ‘Maybe I should cause problems because it’s going to happen anyway’.

2. Thinking ‘it’s too good to be true’

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It’s a similar kind of mindset to the ‘it’s too good to be true’. And look, sometimes things are too good to be true for example when you see a half-price sign there are often strings attached. But if something goes well in our personal life, go with it and be thankful don’t assume the worst!

3. Procrastinating

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Procrastinating is a way we all self-sabotage. Imagine if we did things when we should and we acted quickly, proactively rather than reactively. We could be super successful or organized. And yet, we think ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’, but then tomorrow turns into two weeks later.

4. We talk negatively to ourselves

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Think about how you speak to yourself in your inner mind. Do you tell yourself you can’t do things or you’re not good enough or you might embarrass yourself in comparison to other people who are better? This is self-sabotage, and the majority of us sadly do it!

5. Always expecting things to go wrong

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Always expecting things to go wrong is a super negative way to think and the problem is that negativity attracts negativity. So if you put negative energy and thoughts out to the world constantly you end up bringing more negativity upon yourself and creating a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.

6. Giving up at the first signs of trouble

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YOu must have heard the phrase ‘good things don’t come easy’. But a lot of us give things up the moment they get remotely difficult. It could be a hobby or a task or a relationship. But really, things take work and you have to get through the bad to get to an even better place!

7. Thinking you’re not good enough

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You are good enough and you should not let anybody tell you otherwise…even yourself. And we’re all guilty of it. We might not even realize we’re doing it but a lot of us constantly don’t believe we’re good enough. This isn’t the case and it’s just self-sabotage!

8. Constantly trying to people, please

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Most of us are people pleasers to some extent. We have a natural urge to make people happy and find it super difficult to just say ‘no’ to someone. But we can’t always people to please because sometimes it’s to the extent of displeasing ourselves… which is sabotaging ourselves!

9. ‘It won’t work so I’m not even going to try’ mentality

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Think about how many times you’ve thought something wouldn’t work so you haven’t even tried. We all have if we’re honest at some point. But it’s not necessarily the case. Even if some things don’t work, one of them might. It’s work not sabotaging ourselves before even giving it a chance.

10. Blaming other people for your mistakes

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Taking accountability for our actions and our mistakes is a part of life. We all make mistakes but the way to overcome them is to own up to them, not try to pass them off on somebody else. Blaming other people can feel like the easiest route, but it’s just another form of self-sabotage because it won’t help us to grow from them.

11. Being over critical of people

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Nobody’s perfect and we can’t hold everyone up to an unrealistic standard by scrutinizing their every flaw. It’s not fair and it can make you a very negative person. It’s actually another form of self-sabotage to overly critique people because we create an impression to ourselves that everybody else is in the wrong, not us.

12. Not stating your needs and then being unsatisfied

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People aren’t mind readers so nobody knows our needs apart from us. Everybody has such different needs, that it’s natural to assume people have the same as us and treat them by these standards. So when you don’t state your needs and somebody doesn’t oblige them, you’re doing yourself a disservice and not giving people the chance!

13. Dating people who aren’t right for you

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We’re not saying that you always know when someone is right or wrong for you, you definitely don’t. But we’ve all dated some people knowing that they’re definitely not right for us. It’s hard to break up, so we’ve gone along with it for longer than we should. But why? We’re causing ourselves more pain!

14. Isolating yourself when you feel down

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When you feel down, sometimes you just want to lock yourself up in your room and shut the outside world out. But if you’re doing this for days on end, or even weeks, you’re really harming your own mental health and self-sabotaging. You have to allow people in and allow them to offer you emotional support!

15. Neglecting your health

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Sometimes when life gets busy we neglect our health. We stop going to the gym or getting out to do our hobbies and we start ordering takeout or eating junk food. While this feels easier at the time, you’re really just neglecting your health both physically and mentally.

16. Believing that ‘there’s nothing I can do to change it’

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‘Ah well there’s nothing I can do to change it’…this mentality is self-sabotage, plain and simple. Whether it’s as small as changing your mood or as big as changing the world, with this attitude you can never change anything. With the opposite attitude, you really can help to change anything you wish to.

17. Viewing things as ‘all or nothing’

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All or nothing is an extreme a lot of us feel sometimes. We can be all in or all out. For example, one week we go to the gym 3 times and then the next week we miss one session and suddenly we’re not going at all. But balance in all aspects of life is the better option.

18. Not applying self-discipline

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You can’t always rely on your motivation which is what a lot of us do. When you think you have no motivation from one week to the next, this is where your self-discipline should kick in to keep you going. Nobody can ever rely solely on motivation because we can’t always feel this way – we need discipline!

19. Thinking short term

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Only thinking in the short term can be detrimental to our future. Sometimes we have to consider the long term to put things in place in our life. Short-term may give us instant gratification but it definitely cannot provide you with long-term stability!

20. Not listening to feedback

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Feedback is something that we should all take on board from time to time to help ourselves, This can be in many different aspects of our life. Not listening to feedback at all is self-sabotage because it does not enable you to improve by taking on board what people have to say.

21. Being super defensive

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Being super defensive usually means that we are not allowing anyone to give us any kind of criticism or constructive feedback because you will not even acknowledge it. Being overly defensive, however, can self-sabotage, as it can make people reluctant to speak their minds to you.

22. Underselling yourself

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Underestimating yourself and underselling yourself go hand in hand. If you undersell yourself it means that you negatively portray yourself, meaning that you downplay your abilities either because you don’t like to boast, or because you are self-deprecating!

23. Dwelling in self pity

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Self-pity is a normal emotion, but at some point, we have to learn to stop dwelling in self-pity and learn to move forward. Self-pity isn’t constructive and it’s a form of self-sabotage. We may all do it, but we can only do it for a small amount of time before it consumes us.

24. Avoiding conflict at all cost

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Most people do not like conflict and will avoid conflict if they can. But avoiding it at any cost can actually mean that you allow people to treat you badly or allow people to get away with things without standing up for yourself. At some point, you have to be able to put your foot down.

25. Allowing fear to stop you doing things

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There are so many instances in our lives when we don’t do things because we’re too scared: too scared to fail, too scared to embarrass ourselves, too scared to do something new or to be judged. But the only person holding you back and sabotaging you…is you.

26. Setting unrealistic standards

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Setting unrealistic standards for yourself or those around you is like setting everybody up to fail. Nobody can reach these unrealistic standards, so it isn’t giving you or them a chance, which means you’ll always be disappointed at the outcome and it’s a way we all self-sabotage at times.

27. A reluctance to change

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Many of us are creatures of comfort who crave the familiarity of safety. Big changes are super scary there’s no denying it. But being too reluctant to change can mean missing out on amazing life opportunities that could bring you new opportunities and happiness.

28. Overthinking things

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Overthinking leads us to nowhere but a dark place. We can dwell on everything we have done or said, but it doesn’t change what has happened. Overthinking can spiral out of control until we’re overthinking everything and dwelling on the past rather than living in the moment.

29. Self-deprecating humor

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Some self-deprecating humor can be good. But when it’s a regular thing it can lead to us believing what we’re saying. Putting ourselves down may start as a joke, but eventually, we start to take this in and really feel inadequate which is a common form of self-sabotage!

30. Too much escapism

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Seeking too much escape can lead to seriously unhealthy habits. If it’s too many video games or too many wines, too much of anything isn’t a good thing. And escapism means that we’re not facing our real-life problems. We’re simply trying to distract ourselves instead!

 


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